(Psychology Today. August 2020)
I have this writing assignment to my 7th grade English class and asked them to write a 2 to 3 sentence essay on each of the points of this essay. This is a hugely important concept to teach our kids so I wanted to kill 2 birds with one stone..a writing assignment and a life lesson.
Are You Emotionally Intelligent? Here’s How to Know for Sure
Emotional Intelligence is a huge driver of success
When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform people with the highest IQs 70% of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.
Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90% of top performers have high emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of use that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.
You have a robust emotional vocabulary,
All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36% of people can do this, which is problematic becaused unlabled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions.
People with hight EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad”, emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable”, “frustrated”, “downtrodden”, or “anxious”. The more specific word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.
You’re curious about people.
It doesn’t matter if they are introverted and extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curous about everyone around them. The curiosity if the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to the high EQ. The more you care about other people and what they’re going through, the more curiosity you’re going to have about them.
You embrace change.
Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness. They look for change that is lurking just around the corner, and they for a plan of action should these changes occur.
You know your strengths and weaknesses.
Emotionally intelligent people don’t just understand emotions; they know what they’re good at and what they’re terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the environments (both situations and people) that enables them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you know your strengths and how to lean into and use them to your full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.
You’re a good judge of character.
Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness; the ability to read other people, know what they’re about, and understand what they’re going through. Over time, this skill makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You known what they’re all about and understand their motivations, even those that lie hidden beneath the surface.
You are difficult to offend.
If you have a firm grasp of who you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.
You know how to say no(to yourself and other)
Emotional intelligence means knowing how to exert self-control. You delay gratification and avoid impulsive action. Research conducted at the University of California, San Francisco show that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no to a major self-control challenge for many people, but “No” is a powerful word that you should be unafraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phraises such as “I don’t’ think I can”, or “I’m not certain.”
Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.